Is homosexuality a choice?

My friend Tony sent me this op-ed piece by Martha Doolittle from Underneath Politics.

Please excuse the language in the headline of this piece, but sometimes the Republican Party just burns me up. They say that homosexuality is a choice, that you aren’t born gay. That’s ridiculous! We can’t help whom we’re attracted to. I am not a heterosexual cause that’s what society says is acceptable behavior - I’m a heterosexual cause I really like to feel the touch of a man.

Let me ask one of you heterosexual conservative men a question: Are you attracted to specific things by choice? Did you choose to be a “breast man?” Did you decide you were going to like women with a little junk in the trunk - women who were a bit loose in the caboose? No, you can’t help it that you like to watch that ass wiggle and jiggle as you get your freak on.

Name anything you find sexy and ask yourself why. The answer will never be that you just decided. I just chose to like sex in the barn, I just chose to like whips and chains, or I just chose to like Latin men liking milk off my supple breasts as I bathe in the sweat of 10 young virgins.

Also, if we could just choose what we’re attracted to, then nobody would go dateless. Let me explain. You are a man in a room with a bunch of women who vary in physical attractiveness. You are automatically drawn to the most beautiful woman and pursue her, even though you know your chances are very slim that she will give you the time of the day. But if you could choose whom you’re attracted to, you could just say, “Well, I choose to be attracted to the ugliest girl.” That way your chances of going home with a little female companionship would increase greatly.

But you can’t choose to be attracted to the ugly girl. You want the pretty girl and it’s not because of choice, it’s because when you look at her you get a lump in your pants the size of Canada.

Please forgive my vulgarity in this column, but the only way to get Republicans to understand reason is to speak their language.